User blog comment:Samuel17/Bottledo/@comment-16075172-20160520220458/@comment-1917722-20160524132325

Introducing: The LAVA BOTTLE!

It's like a lava lamp, but in a bottle! You can take it around with you and show it to your friends so you can all enjoy a lava bottle together! Perfect for sleepovers, outdoor camping and campfires! Provided you wear something that can resist the heat coming off of it, of course. We are not responsible for any injuries, burns and deaths caused as a result of improper handling and usage of non-heat-resisting materials to handle the product.

Marvelous publicity babble, innit? I'm sure this one will be a really hot item in the stores!

''Fire was then subdued and dragged away to an isolation cell for interrogation. We do not know where the Lava Bottles went. They are a danger to public safety and should be located and destroyed as soon as possible.''