User:Ludicrine/Theta Archive/Playground: The Dark of Pluto

IMMATURE CONTENT WARNING

Oh god please not this again

This story contains scenes of very, brutal violence and pistachios. Here’s an example. You have been warned. For your convenience, all of the explicit scenes are off via tabs, and marked with yellow tape, and sealed behind a vault with a seven-digit code. There is also two-ply toilet paper in the restroom down the hall. The wifi password is “scandinavia” as it’s always been. You got any nuts? Go make me some cookies with nuts in them.

Creation

 * El Dea (Sinner)
 * Deadvid7015 (We wanted to make a statement about how straight monogamies are the only relationships that fictional online pixel pets should be allowed to have, so we told him we were making a docudrama of his pets and then took a big ol’ dump on his legacy. He rolled with it.)
 * DMS (Winner)

DOIN UR WTF
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This Is
a story all about how

uʍop ǝpᴉsdn pǝuɹnʇ pǝddᴉʅⅎ ʇoƃ ǝⅎᴉʅ ʎɯ

The Characters
All characters are property of Hannibal “Hans Solo” Sebastian Rochelle, Esquire, 673 Earningway Lane, Sundrive Cabana, Easting, 45729-1962. If you find any of them, please do not contact the animal shelter! We are offering cash rewards for the safe return of our furry friends.

Stompy
- Pepto fLuidcrine - Sompy was just an average country girl from the country populated by a country girls making do. She just wanted a chance to grow corn and shine corn, as did her country owner. She unfortunately dealt with corn and became involved with a country's inability to make do. Lol corn.

Pluto
- Pluto was annulled to Soaked until she had an affair with Goron. He took his anger out on Stolmy, beating her at a game of checkers and telling her that her shoes were untied before flicking her nose.

Soaked
- Soaked is WET!!!!!! SHE’S FUCKING WET!!!!! SHe’S A WET BITCH!!!!! LMAO

David7015
- This is David, he is not owned by himself, a metaphorical representation of the tyranny that the French working-class faced at the hands of the monarchy - David is the owner of Pluto, Soaked, Rumber, Goron, Jiva, Klory, Ergoth, Stompsy, Big Halley, Lord Trollus, Ao Oni, David, The Fist of Goodness, DMSwordsmaster, a ball of lint, Hatsune Miku, ha55ii, and God. He was born in the year 7015 and is also 7015 years old, hence his name. The same principle applies to Samuel17.

Romper and Lefthook
Rumber and Nihook (Stickscastle in German) are half-sisters. Rumber is the daughter of Pluto and Soaked, whereas Nihook is the daughter of Goron and Soaked. Soaked is the mother of Rumber and half of Nihook. Goron is the father of Nihook and three-fourths the mother of Pluto. Two Rumbers fathering a Pluto is equal to Soaked. If two Nihooks pulled into a station at Rumber, with Soaked as air resistance, how many Gorons does David have? Is he going to share with the class? Write your answers in the comments below!

Day 1
Sotmpy was at the playground, simply enjoying the experience of Joe Biden we’ve been hacked as usual. However, she heard what sounded like angry voices behind her. She turned to see a bad dragon and a plastic zombie yelling at each other. The zombie seemed to be very upset about something, and the dragon didn't seem to listen. Soon, the dragon flew off, leaving the zombie to kick the bucket. He died instantly.

He then turned and looked at Storpy, because he’s a zombie so he came back.

Pluto: What the hell are you looking at, you stupid-looking hat!?

Stormy, although taken aback and afront and aleft and aright and a-one-two-three-four, simply turned her head and went back to making sand castles. However, the zombie hated sand. It was course, rough, and got everywhere. He walked over towards her and her castle and kicked it down. He then smacked Spongy in the face. He then punched her in the stomach. He then kicked her until she looked like spaghetti. He then took a lawnmower and hacked her into a fresh garden salad with real white meat crispy chicken cutlets. But it was okay because she had a mushroom. Pluto laughed and walked off. Slippy started to cry and walked off. Why did he smack her and walked off? What did she do and walked off? Soon, Ludi and walked off to see her.

Ludi: W

Stomdy: *Sniff* That weird purple zourple smacked me forrof em dekcams no-o-o-o-o-ooooo DINNER. reason!

Ludi: ...Oh... I see. That's Pluto.

Ztompy: What does that mean?

Ludi: You're a bit too understand. Just stay away from Pluto'll take you home.

Slompy then went off to be driven home by Pluto. She looked behind her back and saw Ludi, glaring at her, with what seemed to be a great discount at the furniture store. She shivered and sped dos.

Day 2
The next day, Stompey Kong went back to the playground. Ludi ended up phasing out of existence and wasn’t a part of the story anymore after a copyright strike from Viacom. Stolly had to warn herself to stay as far away from Pluto as possible, and to maybe stay near a teacher. However, when she got to the playgrounds, the only person there was Fink-Rat Johann. And he was staring at her. She thought about running away.

And then she did, and nothing bad happened.

However, in an alternate universe where Fink-Rat Johann wasn’t there, Pluto was there. And he was staring at where Fink-Rat Johann would have been, which put his line of sight directly with Stomqy’s. It was an honest mistake, all things considered, because anyone in their right mind would have stared at Fink-Rat Johann. Still, she didn’t realize this, and thought about running away.

And then she did, and nothing bad happened.

But in another alternate universe where she didn’t react in time, she turned her head to leave, but Pluto sat up from the bench and started swimming towards her. Like, imagine a dude just going full-landshark on the ground to get to you, legs kicking like a Dutch windmill. You’d either start laughing like no tomorrow or be pretty horrified. In this case, since this was a balding purple zombie who sounded like he was the type of guy to get you to invest in his insurance company he’s worked at for twenty years, it was a frightening scene.

Pluto grabbed Storky and threw her into a rock climbing wall, because this is still a playground, and started to do the unthinkable...

Musical Number 1: “My Gel-y Fellow!”
(As performed by Pluto and the Playground Philharmonic Orchestra)

Oh, my gel-y fellow, you’re really going down You brought your squishy head into the wrongest part of town Oh little gel-y fellow, tell me - are you afraid? Because when I am through with you, you’ll need to get first-aid! Oh-oh-oh, gel-y, gel-y fellow, your jelly legs do show The fear I have imposed on you - it’s flattering, you know! I say, my fearful gel-y fellow, the fun has just begun Now don’t you wish your jelly legs would only let you run? Oh-oh, so many different ways I can corrupt you and your mind Your owner’s gone from this whole story and has left you far behind I am so sick of dealing with a cheating wife behind the blinds So here is something just to ease the daily griiiiiiiind... *Interlude, with emphasis on woodwinds section and trombone* (Director’s note: Whimsical feel! Up-tempo, pay attention to off-beats.) (Choreographer’s note: This is a playground! Gymnastics are essential.) Oh-oh, so many different ways I can corrupt you and your mind The ways to hunt you, punt you, hurt you - I’m so horribly unkind! And now, with no one here to stop me, I am properly assigned To bring you pain- (Oh yes, the pain!) Unto your brain- (You’ll go insane!) Just as the stars above have told me while aliiiiiiigned... ... After all, I am something quite OUT OF THIS WORLD! Oh, now, my squeamish gel-y fellow, prepare yourself for this: I’ve got a nasty way to mess with you that you won’t want to miss! Oh, yes, my gel-y fellow, crouch low and turn around Because I’ve told you- (Yes, I’ve told you!) Don’t make me scold you- (Oh, he’s so bold-ooh!) That you are really, really, really going down! (Down, down, down, down, down, down...) THAT YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, GOING DOWN! *Confetti* *Fanfare music*

After topping the showtunes charts and getting signed to work with Lin-Manuel Miranda, David thankfully came over and pushed Pluto away from Songpy before he could get to his “nasty way to mess with her”. The box of chicken broth he was going to pour on her head toppled over and spilled meekly into the ground. Pluto started to scream, incensed over the fact that David wasn’t even supposed to be there and it didn’t make dollars or cents for him to show up, but arrived at the right time to stop him anyway. He also had handcuffs. Why did he have handcuffs? He’s David. Is he a cop? Oh god, please tell me he’s not a cop. I smoked him out on Chanukwanzaa! Is he going to arrest me for that?! Oh god, what if he’s been building evidence on me for years?!? WAS OUR FRIENDSHIP JUST A GREAT BIG LIE?!?!?!?

Pluto: *weird Tim Allen noises*

David carted him off to Pet Prison, the Jail for Pets, sponsored by America. God Bless America. Ludi eventually showed up and consoled Stoppy.

Sohy: *Sniff* Why is he doing this!? What have I done??

Ludi could only hold her as she cried, the victim of a mix of anger and racism. HS 00FF00 (This line was too good not to keep)

Day 3
Sometime at noon, before she took Stom🅱️y to school, Ludi went over to David's house. After beating on the door for a second, David answered.

Ludi: I need to speak to you immediately, David.

David immediately answered the door. Ludi beat on him for a second, then answered.

Ludi: First off, I've got one question to ask you. Why the hell would you let your pets breed with multiple different mates?! Do you know how much trouble that could cause!?

David then went on to explain that polygamous relationships were quite common among the social structures of many monsters, and to suggest that they would inherently cause trouble was almost nonsensical. He also further explained that, as sapient entities, he did not particularly have control over what relationships his pets chose to forge with one another, as it would be detrimental to their health and development for him to pre-arrange their life partners for them.

Ludi: ...Oh... I see. That's Pluto.

It wasn’t Pluto. It was a coat hanger.

David: ...He no longer lives here.

Ludi: What?! Where does he live here!?

David: ...He lives in a hut somewhere deep in th

Ludi: And Soaked? Does she live here?!

David: No.. she d

Ludi: WHAT?! Do you know what could happen to her and her kids if she stays away from people that could protect her!? You ARE aware that Pluto is one of the Universal Unit and is extremely powerful, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj_8E3FOU4s period. Exclamation point].

David: ....

Ludi: ANSWER ME D*MMIT!!

David: H

Ludi: Ugh, you FOOL!1 ... Ahem, I apologize... Anyways, lucky for us, Pluto has been removed from the Pet School after the attack on Stompie. He is receiving HS undefined (homeschooling). That makes sense, even though you just said he doesn’t live here, and nobody else lives with him, so there’s nobody to teach him at home, and also because he’s the equivalent of a grown-ass man. Under Rev's watch, there's no way he could attack the day. But he can seize it. And then we’ll all be carp!

David: Ludi, my friend, I'm not sure that is possible... You see, my house is incredibly small, and I own a tiny island. It’s just thiiiiiis big.

Ludicrine: ...This whole incident is a bomb, just before it explodes... You must do something... Before it does... Ellipsis... Sentence fragments...

David: ...I'll try, Ludi...

David then blew up, because he was the real bomb.

OH NO
DAVID IS DEAD

PRESS F TO PAY RESPECTS

Pluto had returned to his dreary home. Nobody was there to comfort him, nobody to welcome him. Except the homeschool teacher that he hired. His name was Palvo. A single tear fell from his eye. Palvo tried to look away but he couldn’t. There was nobody to tell him it was fine. Palvo felt really awkward and tried looking at the wall. Pluto was huddled into a ball, shivering with mixed feelings. He wanted to cry out, just to let out all of them. Palvo got up to excuse himself from the room but just ended up sitting down on a chair again. He felt hatred, deprivation, and... possibly LAUNDRY ? No, it couldn't be. Palvo tried to get up again but he lost his grip and smashed down again and broke the chair. It was very loud, and it hurt a lot. Soaked had left him many times to see that Trapezoid-headed freak of a fish. That’s a sentence that makes sense outside of this story. Palvo said, “fuck”, because he was in pain from breaking the chair. And she left him to take care of everything. Palvo crawled into the kitchen to get some ice, limping because his fucking ass hurt like all hell. It was probably swollen and lopsided. The bills, the expenses she made off... but of all things Pluto wasn't left with, he couldn't hold his own dear daughter, Rumber. Wait why the fuck do pets have to pay bills. Palvo said, “sh*t”, because it still hurt. His own flesh and blood of the purest diastle, living her life with that freak child Nuhvok Va and learning to treat her with RESPECT. No. She should know her place as a daughter of a Universal Unit member. Yes, he was sure that Rumber was ready to rumble. And he would get Rumber's attention rumbling, through means of rumble spheres or otherwise. He was going to show a certain rumbler- or not-so-grump- some rumble.

He would [spoilers] Stunky.

P*lvo said, “dick”.

Day 4
Slormpy was on the swings, under the watchful eye of others. It made her feel safe, but... too observed for her comfort. She hopped over to the Pet School next door. Pluto, who happened to be PISSING LIKE A FUCKINJG RACEHORSE in the restroom, followed, because the little zombie’s room was right next to the swings and had a one-way mirror at the urinal. It was the wrong way, and a lot of people saw a lot of genits. Luckily, Pluto had a special power, and could punch holes in mirrors to see through to the other side. He did that, so he could see everyone seeing his wang. He liked it that way.

The corridors twisted and turned like a labyrinth, and maybe Revelian shouldn’t have brought Zoras to school that day. Stüssy eventually found the door with the ancient sigil on it. She entered.

Pluto followed. Block Scene (NSFW)= Show Scene (SFW)= YOU HAVE ENTERED THE PELICAN ROOM Stinpy left the pelican room.

Pluto laughed at Steppy, and she was so embarrassed she fell into a k-hole.

DAVID IS STILL DEAD
MEMORIAL SERVICE HELD ON WEDNESDAY

REFRESHMENTS TO FOLLOW

David met Ludi at the hospital a few minutes later. She then ripped off her clothes, revealing a superhero costume underneath, and then ripped that off, revealing skin, and then ripped that off, revealing Revelian, the revelation. He took her place, and also became the legal owner of all properties formerly attributed to her, including that one really good pet that shows up as a running gag.

David: We have to find Pluto before he does something else!

Revelian: Where could he have gone?

David: Eyewitnesses said he was going somewhere... moist...

Revelian and David locked eyes, and made out a little. Then, at the same time:

David: Submarine Shrine.

Revelian, simultaneously: The lake.

David, unanimously: The hotel in the lake.

Revelian, all together now: A water tower.

David, back by popular demand: A water park.

Revelian, with his new supergroup “Kaiser Seahorse”: A water bottle.

David, providing backing vocals: Bottledo.

Revelian, speaking in many tongues: HEROBREAG GLUBOTTLE!

David, across all timelines at once: LOLOLO

They then hiked to the far west, plunged into the ocean, and started swimming away from the land like Greed Tower was tailgating them, in an effort to find Pluto. Who was at Soaked’s house.

Day 5
The police, all one of them, was at David's house. The investigation revealed that a silenced 50-caliber rifle was used in the assassination. Goron had died instantly, which was his special ability. Do you remember Goron? How he was important enough for his death to be called an assassination? Do you remember when guns like this were canon on Ludus? Zug-zug. It happened.

HS 00FF00 (Anyway I’m not even going to edit the next scene because it’s really good)

Pluto just got 4 times as threatening. DMS and LD contnued to investigate the firing point.

A few hundred yards away. Pluto loaded up a shot in the chamber and aimed it at LD.

Pluto: Good night.

He fired.

DMS sensed the bullet and drew his sword, blocking the bullet from hitting LD. He then fired a laser from his eye to where the bullet went.

The laser hit Pluto, knocking him back. Pluto left the rifle and ran off.

LD: What the hell was that?!

DMS pointed and yelled at the guards to go after him.

LD: It's no use. Even if they do catch him, they'll get killed. Call them back.

DMS nodded and did so.

HS 00FF00 (See what I mean? Stay tuned for the next Alpha story where Rev gets eye lasers back and the cops continue to phase between being useless and nonexistent)

Night 5 At Chilleddy’s
Pluto, with a really cool and realistic gun in hand, knocked politely at the door to Soaked’s house. Silence. He kicked it down and took a step inside, slipping on the sopping wet floor. He grimaced and continued plodding through the darkness.

His wife... or, ex-wife... how could she betray him like this? After all the unwritten backstory they had together, how she had gone off and made love to a fish. He knew he was in the right, and he couldn’t spend the rest of his days assaulting Stonpy forever. He had to put an end to all of this the only way he knew how - by punishing her. Permanently.

???: I know you’re here.

Pluto looked around, visibly alarmed. Soaked’s dissonant voice echoed across her dark, wet home. He cradled his weapon like a bouquet of roses.

Pluto: And I know you’re here... b*tch.

Soaked cackled maniacally into the darkness.

Soaked: Do you, now? Then why don’t you come find me?

Pluto continued Stompying through the foreign, maze-like house. He turned the corner sharply and came face-to-face with a door. He grinned wickedly.

Pluto: Heh.... nothing personel.... it’s game over for you!!

He shot down the door with his Canon MyPrinter InkJet-caliber handrifle, then burst in, eyes out, guns open, dicks blazing. Block Scene (.SWF)= Show Scene (NSFRATU)= YOU HAVE ENTERED THE PELICAN ROOM Pluto: W-wh-what?!?!? WHAT?!?!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Soaked laughed like a fucking hyena, pointing and laughing at his tiny fleshsicle, but mostly out of how humiliating it was for him to enter the wrong room. Everyone else was there, too - Ludi, David, Soppy, Revelian, and even Palvo created a resounding chorus with their howling. For good measure, Soaked started making out with Palvo while she fucked the f*sh again, but only after Slussy left to go home, because she’s a minor. Pluto collapsed to his knees, disintegrating into a puddle of poop shit and caner. He lived the rest of his life out as Poopto because he was so disgraced. Then he died instantly.

Day 6+
Go back and read the tabbed sections you c*ward.

Stongy and Rumber, who was relevant again somehow, and also Nihook, who literally did not show up a single time before now, were the only ones to visit the grave of the one once known as Pluto. No funeral service took place, and nobody came anywhere close to the cemetery for days. But the three had arrived anyway, in order to do what must be done. Rumber teared up, and Nihook had to stifle some noises, but as Stoy got closer to the gravestone, everyone lost their cool. She held in her hands a vase, filled not with flowers and water, but with something that he - or maybe everyone - would have wanted. She knelt down at the grave, which read:

REST IN PEA
POOPTO THE SHRINKYDICK SHITWANGER

WE BARELY RECALL WHO HE WAS

By this point, Rumber’s tears flowed like the Nile into her open, smiling mouth, while Nihook couldn’t hold it in anymore and started laughing so hard she snorted constantly. Sodmg grinned as well, tilting the vase and pouring the chicken broth onto the soil where Poopto rested.

And then a horse came out.

THE EN

this was incredibly Stompid

CREDITS
Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. - Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS.

Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. - Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS.

Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. - Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS.

Did you like the story? Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS. (IF YOU PICK THIS YOU Cross breeding his pets like they're PEEUMPS.)